Enjoy the experience of off shore sailing...

I recently watched on the Goggle-box a truly amazing, awe inspiring series of programmes.

And no it was not the Rio Olympics.

It was not even the Rio Paralympics.

But about a group of ordinary people doing ordinary jobs who abandon whatever they are doing and leg it to the water’s edge whenever their bleeper starts to bleep.

For this was a documentary series about those work for the RNLI.

And when I say work, I mean those people who put their lives in peril at sea for those whose lives are already in peril.

They choose to do this.

And for this they don’t get paid.

Not a brass farthing.

Diddly squat.

Nothing.

Amazing.

Indeed it was so amazing that if I was a few years younger, well quite a few actually; a whole lot braver; a far better sailor; and lived far far closer to the water’s edge, I might have been beating a path to my local RNLI to ask how to join up.

As Boaters we all know how unpredictable the sea and winds can be.

And some of us will even know that even the best maintained boat can let us down from time to time.

Stuff happens

And when it does even the most experienced sailor may require the services of the RNLI.

Even Boaters.

But too often as the programme showed the bleepers went off to help eejits.

Usually with drink involved. Or drugs. Or just plain stupidity.

It seems that there is a fast chunk of the land lubbing population who have forgotten as we have evolved from water inhabiting creatures to a race that belongs on land, that H2O is dangerous.

And that if you have an IQ in double digits you should stay wall away from where the land meets the water.

Eeejits, in other words.

But to the brave boys and girls of the RNLI, even an eejit’s life is still worth saving.

Even an eejit’s life is still worth putting your own neck on the line for.

Not sure I could be as sanguine.

They don’t judge.

They just go about their business saving lives.

And that is why after every trip I make a donation to continue the work of the RNLI.

You never know when you just might need them.

Even eejits.

One of the glories of a Boaters Sailing Weekend, from whence I have recently returned, is that you get to sleep cheek by jowl with your fellow man or of course woman and Boater.

Indeed it would not be wrong to suggest that other than a Boater, only your partner might come closer when it comes to sleeping arrangements.

And nothing reveals more about a man or a woman than close proximity over an extended period of time.

Fortunately as yet there have been no reported cases of homicide, or even attempted homicide, between Boaters.

Which must mean we are a pretty decent bunch, all things told.

And having got up quite close if not personal to a broad range of fellow Boaters over many a sailing trip, I can now reveal sleeping alongside Boaters is an interesting auditory experience.

No two members emit the same volume of sound having reached the Land of Nod.

The worst are the Roaring Snorers.

When every inhalation and exhalation is accompanied by a sound that raises the decibel count to alarming proportions and registering 6 on the Richter Scale.

Never sail with these people without ear plugs and make sure you put them in before heading off to your bunk.

Some of you do indeed do this.

No one desiring a good night’s sleep wants to share a cabin or a saloon with these types. Indeed in my experience it is always best to keep the saloon between you and the Roaring Snorers.

At the other end of the spectrum are the Silent Sleepers. You don’t even know they are there, apart from a rhythmically gentle whooshing noise to show they are still alive.

Pleasant. Peaceful. Polite.

A crew of Silent Sleepers would guarantee an undisturbed sleep.

And then we have the Irregulars.

To some degree they might cause the most worry and concern.

With the irregulars you get a mighty burst of noise.

And then nothing. Still nothing. And more nothing.

The noise has woken you up.

The subsequent silence is unnerving.

Has something happened? Have they died? Have they had a stroke?

The silence continues. And continues a wee bit longer.

And just as you are about to get up to check, another mighty burst of noise emits from their bunk.

And the pattern continues. Through the night. Like Morse Code.

Roar. Silence. Silence. Silence. Roar. Silence. Silence. Silence. Roar. Repeat.

A fitful sleep is had by all with an Irregular on the boat.

And finally we have the Whistlers.

They mix gentle snoring sounds with an occasional whistle.

It can be quite harmonious if done right. Quite soothing. And sleep inducing.

A really good Whistler is like Roger Whittaker (remember him?). Less tuneful mind but with potential.

I’d settle for some of these in my boat.

Not too many unless they can harmonise. And that would be good to listen to.

Otherwise it sounds like a never ending boiling kettle.

And that would get annoying.

All that noise and no cup of tea from it.

I think that our new online booking form should ask you to state Snore Pattern.

After all how else are we going to get a balanced crew? And sleep.

Do you know your Zzzzzzzz Type?

OMG.

*Smiley face*

What has happened to Boaters in past few weeks? It seems we have now joined the 21st century.

IMHO.

I don’t know about you but Boaters has to me always been joyously old fashioned. But it now seems we have joined the digital age.

Lol.

It is now possible to sign up for courses and sailing weekends online. And to pay for them too.

Whatever next?

It’s just like Amazon.

But without books and downloads and constant e-mails full of recommendations.

Maybe this is being worked on.

Lol.

And so far we have not yet got One Click technology.

Still it’s a start and I am sure that our Committee have this in hand.

I hadn’t realised we had elected a Committee of computer geeks at our last AGM.

*Smiley face*

We may not have the best sound system but we might have the best technology.

I suppose they call this progress.

*shudder*

But our Committee hasn’t stopped there.

We now have a Facebook page.

Not being an aficionado of Facebook I am not sure how well this is being used.

But wouldn’t it be great if we could post photos from our trips there. I know how skilled we are when it comes to taking classy photos.

And we could even use our Facebook pages to swap hints and tips. And sea yarns. And Emergency Meal recipes.

Hopefully we won’t see pictures of cats in lifejackets. Not under our name at least.

What is it about Facebook and photos of cats?

And now we have started to tweet.

I find Twitter strange. There is no way I can say all I want to say in 140 characters. I am far too loquacious.

#bigword

But if you want to stay up to date with all things Boaters and to get some handy tips and advice, Facebook and Twitter do seem the place to be.

Alternatively you could wait to get the monthly e-mails from our Secretary.

#oldfashioned

But then you would miss out on all the fun going on among our Facebook and Twitter community.

You would have no reason to check your phone every few seconds.

No one to follow or tag or like.

Nothing to RT.

No photos of cats in hats. Or life jackets.

It can’t be too long before we get down there with the kids and are signed up to other social media channels like WhatsApp, Pinterest and Snapchat or Vine.

Whatever these might be.

I really don’t know how we have managed to sail all these years without any of these things.

I am sure it is just a matter of time.

Lol.

*Smiley face*

*wink*