One of the glories of a Boaters Sailing Weekend, from whence I have recently returned, is that you get to sleep cheek by jowl with your fellow man or of course woman and Boater.
Indeed it would not be wrong to suggest that other than a Boater, only your partner might come closer when it comes to sleeping arrangements.
And nothing reveals more about a man or a woman than close proximity over an extended period of time.
Fortunately as yet there have been no reported cases of homicide, or even attempted homicide, between Boaters.
Which must mean we are a pretty decent bunch, all things told.
And having got up quite close if not personal to a broad range of fellow Boaters over many a sailing trip, I can now reveal sleeping alongside Boaters is an interesting auditory experience.
No two members emit the same volume of sound having reached the Land of Nod.
The worst are the Roaring Snorers.
When every inhalation and exhalation is accompanied by a sound that raises the decibel count to alarming proportions and registering 6 on the Richter Scale.
Never sail with these people without ear plugs and make sure you put them in before heading off to your bunk.
Some of you do indeed do this.
No one desiring a good night’s sleep wants to share a cabin or a saloon with these types. Indeed in my experience it is always best to keep the saloon between you and the Roaring Snorers.
At the other end of the spectrum are the Silent Sleepers. You don’t even know they are there, apart from a rhythmically gentle whooshing noise to show they are still alive.
Pleasant. Peaceful. Polite.
A crew of Silent Sleepers would guarantee an undisturbed sleep.
And then we have the Irregulars.
To some degree they might cause the most worry and concern.
With the irregulars you get a mighty burst of noise.
And then nothing. Still nothing. And more nothing.
The noise has woken you up.
The subsequent silence is unnerving.
Has something happened? Have they died? Have they had a stroke?
The silence continues. And continues a wee bit longer.
And just as you are about to get up to check, another mighty burst of noise emits from their bunk.
And the pattern continues. Through the night. Like Morse Code.
Roar. Silence. Silence. Silence. Roar. Silence. Silence. Silence. Roar. Repeat.
A fitful sleep is had by all with an Irregular on the boat.
And finally we have the Whistlers.
They mix gentle snoring sounds with an occasional whistle.
It can be quite harmonious if done right. Quite soothing. And sleep inducing.
A really good Whistler is like Roger Whittaker (remember him?). Less tuneful mind but with potential.
I’d settle for some of these in my boat.
Not too many unless they can harmonise. And that would be good to listen to.
Otherwise it sounds like a never ending boiling kettle.
And that would get annoying.
All that noise and no cup of tea from it.
I think that our new online booking form should ask you to state Snore Pattern.
After all how else are we going to get a balanced crew? And sleep.
Do you know your Zzzzzzzz Type?
