Enjoy the experience of off shore sailing...

For reasons that are too boring to recite I have been looking into a wide spread of yacht clubs recently.
And I am struck by the number that are called Royal something-or-other Yacht Club.
I am not sure how many there are. But there are a lot. At least 50.

Now as seasoned Boaters we will all have heard of the Royal Yacht Squadron.
And the Royal Thames Yacht Club, the oldest continuously sailing yacht club in the world.
And we may even have heard of the Royal Corinthian Yacht Club.
But there are some amazing places that have Royal Yacht Clubs. Places you will never have thought likely.

Now you would have expected places like Plymouth and Southampton, with their long and fine maritime tradition, to be favoured by the royals.
But what did Portsmouth do that was so wrong that it has not been so favoured. It is after all the home of Her Maj’s fleet. Or what’s left of it these days.
This slight is even more surprising when you consider that the yacht clubs at Gourock and Harwich are preceded by the magic word. Have you ever been there? I would doubt very much if Her Maj or any of her predecessors have paid more than a fleeting visit there either.
Sure they are on the coast but they do somewhat lack the ritz and glamour of Cowes.

But this has got me thinking.
Don’t you think that the Royal Bromsgrove Boaters Yacht Club has got a nice ring to it?

I think we should get the Committee onto this and make it a priority . Never mind the polo shirts, gilets and caps. Make us Royal.
If the yachties of Gourock can become a Royal so can the Boaters of Bromsgrove.
But how do you apply? Do you download an application form from somewhere? How much is the subscription?

This is not all clear. Association or some sort of linkage with the Royals is about all I have been able to uncover.
My research that has highlighted that Bromsgrove does boast ‘The Queens Head’ and it does overlook water, albeit the canal.

And The Princess Royal, that’s Ann, once came to the town.
And many Boaters have worked On Her Majesty’s Service, in one guise or another. Say no more. Wink, wink.
So it should be a dawdle for the Committee to get us into the Royal Family.
I am practising my curtsy skills already.

It has been with a deal of Schadenfreude that I have been following the tales in recent weeks that have been coming forth from FIFA’s head office.

For those mono linguists among you we are talking about ‘delighting in the misfortunes of others’.

But it has been shocking to read about the bribery, the corruption, the nefarious underhand dealings that have been going on.

Of World Cups that have been bought; of hand balls that were erased from history by the swift transfer of money; of committee members lining their own pockets at the expense of the so called beautiful game.

Allegedly.
(We are advised by Boaters’ lawyers that we must use that word to save us from libel.)

But could you imagine what might happen if Bromsgrove Boaters behaved like FIFA?
And this is not to suggest that our Commodore is a Sepp Blatter. Or that our Committee behaves like the FIFA Executive Committee.
(Again we must say this for the avoidance of doubt and to stay out of the courts.)

Now there are some differences admittedly between Boaters and FIFA.
We only charge £15 pa for membership.
We are not sitting on reserves in excess of £1bn.
And as far as I know we have little in the way of broadcasting and merchandising rights with which to fill our coffers and the boots of our Committee.
Although surely the rights to our natty collection of Boaters’ polos, gilets and fleeces might bring in a bob or two.
Maybe we should be told who owns the rights to these.
Just in case.
But we should still be on our guard.
For as Acton said ‘Power corrupts. Absolute power corrupts absolutely’.

Or we could sell the rights to host a Boaters sailing weekend. No doubt the marinas in Plymouth, the Hamble and Haslar would jump at the chance to be the Boaters destination of choice.
And a members vote would be the perfect opportunity for a spot of graft and corruption.
I wonder if we could get Qatar involved.
Or maybe we could find funds being distributed to the Malvern voting bloc to ensure this year’s photography competition goes to someone whose photograph might not be the best.
You just never know.

But fortunately Boaters is not like FIFA. And hopefully it never will be.
For one thing we meet in Bromsgrove.
And last time I looked there is no record of Bromsgrove being a tax haven shrouded in secrecy.
The Lickeys are not the Alps.
And of course we are all just too nice and honest.
So we can all breathe easy.

It is a source of great amazement and amusement to count how many bags some people lug on board when going sailing.
Even for a weekend.
And we are not talking women here.
Even if it is a well-known fact that we women need lots and lots of stuff when we go anywhere.
For the worst offenders here are male.
And when I talk about bags I am not talking about bags for food and other assorted victuals.
We are talking about the bags used to cart clothes, equipment and other stuff.
My record is 8 bags.
For a weekend.
3 nights.

And when I say my record, this does not mean that I have carried my stuff on board in 8 bags.
This is the number of bags others seem to need for their stuff.
I am not sure that I have got 8 bags of stuff in the rest of my life.
What do people have that needs 8 bags?
How much do they take home un-used, un-sullied, un-opened?
There is a scene in ‘A Bridge too Far’ when a senior officer wonders if he should pack his golf clubs and dinner jacket before he flings himself out of the plane and goes into action.
Is this what people are taking with them on a Boaters Weekend?
Do they think they might get the opportunity for a quick round before dinner?
Or think that dinner might be somewhere incredibly posh and formal instead of in the cramped and casual confines of the saloon?
Are they preparing for all eventualities?

I struggle to fill 2 bags even when I pack in my sleeping equipment.
It is also interesting to see the amazing array of matching and usually non matching luggage into which people stuff their belongings.
Bags of all shapes and sizes.
Square ones, round ones, big ones, small ones, long ones, briefcases, hexagons, pentagons, dodecahedrons (I am sure someone must have one of these).
Plastic bags from all price points of the supermarket spectrum.
Re-usable ones. And the ones that kill the fishes.
Maybe we should think like Ryanair and charge for bags. A great way to boost Boater funds. And to give us all more room on board.

Next time you are out with Boaters, count the number of bags per person on board.
Anyone beat 8?